Her hair is a lighter blonde now, than when I cut it off.There are times, I wish she could, somehow stay. There is no way a young woman with her looks, and that absolutely brilliant smile, doesn’t have someone waiting for any news of her, still clinging to the hope that she’ll be discovered alive.Just thinking of Kyle flying in with his chopper tomorrow makes me realize that I’m already caught in the middle of a head-first, downward spiral that will take the rest of my life to recover – when she does leave.I have refused to swim naked with her from the beginning, knowing where that would lead us. I wear my old trunks daily and I’m still not as dark tanned as her. From her hairline to her toes, Amanda has a chocolate tan that makes her even more appealing.“Rusty?” She was looking up at me, smiling.I’ve learned not to say, yes, when she speaks my name. She’s tried to trap me too many times by adding some sexual innuendo, then laughing.“Amanda?”“Please don’t tell your friend about me. Courtney, Jaclyn, Doctor Browning and her voice coach were all in agreement that for her to tour without that special spark and energy that had made her famous, would be catastrophic to her career. Canceling at this late date would be costly also, but certainly the lesser of two evils. The irony that Darryl's leaving because he couldn't deal with her touring might now cost her the entire tour, was not entirely lost on Courtney, but did nothing to comfort her. Besides just hoping a little time would heal Courtney's pain, they'd tried meditation, they'd tried mild drugs, they'd tried bringing in other singers Courtney enjoyed performing with. They'd even tried hypnosis. By the last week of May, the Pollyanna strategy was patently bankrupt, and Courtney had lost all patience. One night over dinner with Jaclyn, she called a halt."This isn't working Jaclyn; we've got to change something, otherwise, things are never going to get better; I'm absolutely sure of that. In fact, I'm almost sure.
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